One Way

One Way

21 April, 2009, 3:50 pm
Filed under: Autobiography, Education

 

“…We live by faith and not by sight for You…”

 

My journey in this university applications has really been a rough one and I have learnt so much. Such as learning how to live by faith and not by sight as what the word of God says in 2 Corinthians 5:7.

^“We live by faith, not by sight.”

 

By sight, circumstances are definitely not in my way. I do not have the finances to support my Australia music education, my playing standards of the piano are not as great as others, no one in my family underwent the procedures of studying overseas before and therefore we are all new to it so there is a possiblity of leaving out some necessary step to be taken in the application procedures or miss certain important deadlines, and the list goes on.

 

However, by faith, God has given me the word ever since I was seeking Him about this situation in September or October last year during the ‘A’ level season. The word he gave me is from John 6:12.

“…Gather the pieces that are left over. Let nothing be wasted.”

At that moment, I was like “God, what are you trying to tell me??? Am I spending to much and I should save and not waste anything?” I read it literally. I did not hear from God about that verse again until March this year. John 6:12 is actually taken from the passage when Jesus fed the 5000.

 

This is a film that tells the story of Jesus feeding the 5000

 

 

So what I heard from God is that since He has multiplied my grades (my midyear results was SSSUU and prelim results was SESUU and finally ‘A’s was BCBBB!), I should not let any application be wasted and just apply. So it was a green light to apply to Australia music. But I thought, probably I am reading out of context so I dismissed that.

 

However, during one of the week, Jessica & Jeanette (at different times) told me to apply.

Jessica: (the more practical thinking) I should just apply and not live my life wondering if could have got in or not.

Jeanette: I should not limit God and just apply whatever I can, then just leave to God to open whatever doors that He wants to.

So feeling quite conviced to apply yet hesitant because by sight, conditions seem quite difficult, God gave me James 1 as encouragement. Perseverance was the key.

“…Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him…”

This was again confirmed by Weijie when he told me to persevere when we were talking about my application to overseas Music. (that was before I told him God spoke to me about perseverance too) As soon as he said that I was like, that is what God is telling me too! Immediately he said, “James 1”. I was completely stunned and was so glad to have the confirmation.

 

However, in the journey of application, I was still down at times and felt like disobeying God and not apply. I believe the devil was rattling in my ear to take the easier way out and give up on applying so that I will disobey God. Thank God for His word, He gave me Romans 5:1-11.

“Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we^[a]have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, ²through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we^[b] rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. ³Not only so, but we^[c] also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; ⁴perseverance, character; and character, hope. ⁵And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

 ⁶You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. ⁷Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. ⁸But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

 ⁹Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God’s wrath through him! ¹⁰For if, when we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! ¹¹Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.”

In summary, the gist of the scripture was, with perseverance/endurance comes character/approval from God, with character/approval from God comes hope. That encouraged me once again.

 

After few weeks later, I was discouraged again. I was crying out to God because I felt so helpless and did not know what to do because at the time the thought of applying is like an endless pursuit. Emotions were getting over me (that is another way the devil stops you from obeying God) And the God that never fails gave me another word once again, also from the story of Jesus feeding the 5000, but this time it is from Matthew 14:18.

“Bring them here to me,” he (Jesus) said.

Such little words that carry such volume. Immediately, I felt so comforted.

 

Guess what happens next? Yes, I was discouraged AGAIN. That was just last week. God used the people around me once again. Minsheng (who is currently studying in Australia) suddenly had to be back in Singapore for an interview at NUS Medicine. (So happy for Thea!) Those who know him will know how persistent and determined he is. So he was so determined that I should apply and his words of encouragement simply woke me up from my contemplation to apply. He said stuff like he’ll even drive me to IDP so that I can quickly apply before the closing date which is in 9 days time. Ultimately, I was so moved by God who persistently placed Godly people and used His words from the bible to turn me back to the right direction whenever I am lost. Even when I have given up on myself, God did not give up on me.

 

Last night (guess what happened again), I was still unsure and did not have the desire to apply. The audition recording I did was still not up to my expectation and the best of so far was after 5 hours of playing. Imagine how tired I am already. That will greatly affect my quality of playing. It is so disgusting to submit a lousy recording. However God, unfailingly, gave me Matthew 14:18 again. The little words with great volume verse. I completely forgot about that verse and it was a reassurance and comfort to me.

 

This morning while doing my devotion after I woke up, I was still haunted with the thought of how gross my recording is. God then reminded me of what Samuel heard from God during youth camp’s “prophesizing practicum” (Not the right term to use but I do know what other ways to put it.) Samuel heard from God “It’s okay.” and God is pleased with my service to Him through the keyboard. At that time the intital did not speak to me. Finally I saw how it spoke to me. That is, it is okay no matter how gross my recording seems to be. So I was just glad that I pleased God with my playing.

 

And finally, I made my way to the office of IDP just now. The devil was still playing with my emotions and I wanted to stop my hands from filling up the application form and just walk out of the office. Unfortunately/Fortunately, I brought my mum and Michelle to accompany me so I did not want to waste their effort in making time for me and stay put. Application fees was at $200. No small amount. I did not want to waste money. That is another “by sight” factor that was stopping me. Thank God for His word that I was so sure that I got to apply no matter how wrong it seems by sight. (And thank God for Ps Gary who was the guest speaker in last year’s youth camp and he kept resounding “The truth will set you free. What is the truth? Words found in the bible.” So simple and easy to discern what is right or wrong in the eyes of God.) So yes, after ALL that hesistance and battling of emotions, I finally submitted the application forms.

 

As soon I got out of the building, I suddenly felt such peace of mind which I have  never felt ever since God convicted me to apply in March. It is when I realised all these while the devil has been trying to stop me from applying. So now that I have obeyed God, there is nothing the devil can do to reverse that action. I am so glad I obeyed and embarked on that one way to obedience that God instructed me to.

 

Right now, I have done what God called me to do and I will continue to wait upon Him for the next direction. He did not promise that I will get in but simply instructed me to just apply for whatever I can. So I am excited to see what God has installed for me! Even if I do not get into any Australia University and may seem illogical to even apply in the first place, I believe the lesson learnt from this process is far more valuable. Also the promise I will get is far greater, that is the promise of eternal life. As what He told me through Hebrews 11:39-40.

³⁹These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised. ⁴⁰God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect.

 

Anyway, all the discouragements and emotion battles I had may seem nothing because it is so easy to type them out. “I was discouraged.” But to go through it is definitely not as easy. So if anyone goes through such battling of emotions or experiencing negative thoughts, I encourage that you will turn to the word of God. Do not have a bible? Use an online one at http://www.biblegateway.com/. God bless you.

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